Diabetic or not?

I am getting all packed up to go to a mess of Doctor appointments....between me and Wes, we have funded a few Porches for the many doctors in our lives!!!! This appointment for me will be a big one. I will be talking to my endocrinologist about whether or not I can stop my medications for my diabetes. I have been knocked down to only one shot a day (which I manage to forget more often than not) and that is a huge step from two massive shots morning and night, two maxed out doses of metformin morning and night, and one more injection, also maxed out, in the morning. Not to mention corrections during the day, which is more injections for high blood sugars. This surgery made it possible for me to see a light at the end of my diabetic tunnel of despair. I am hoping that with my weight loss and my blood sugars hovering in the 150-160 range, that I will be allowed to officially quit taking the last injection. Oddly enough, speaking of injections, my life will not be completely free of needles!! :( I have not tolerated my b-12 sublingual vitamin (YUCK), so I am now giving myself monthly injections. My first one the nurse did....let me just say...THOSE ARE NOT DIABETIC NEEDLES they are using! I am SCARED! EEEKKKK! I have 27 days to freak myself out of actually being able to do it. I'll be letting you know how this appointment goes. As for Wes, I don't even want to think about what is going to happen with him, I think that he is out to make sure a few more doctors get their porches paid for! :( Poor kid, he is such a trooper to just smile and go with the flow of it all. No matter what they tell him, he just says OK, and does it. I am praying that we can start getting the answers we need for him.

What do you want from me???

An update?   Well, fine then. I am 7 weeks out of surgery and I have hit 262lbs. 50lbs lost baby!!!! How's that for an update?? Well don't start jumping for joy just yet. I am still battling with the emotional turmoil and sometimes I feel like I am losing, but when I look at the numbers, well how can I be unhappy about that...huh! I managed to find someone I know that has had this surgery and is about 3 years out. She said it does get better and that I won't always feel this way...so there is hope for me yet! :) Life is getting better slowly, so that is good. Now I can say goodbye to two 25 lb. bags of dog food....maybe I will donate my total weight in dog food to a local animal shelter...wouldn't that be fun?? :)

Broke free

 my pic at surgery 305# after a 10 day diet. My journey starts at 312# I know in these pics you can't tell too much of a difference, but I was wearing a tent for a top and baggy pants just to stay comfortable. So hopefully in the coming months you will be able to see the transformation better. :) PLUS SIDE....I went from only being able to wear flip flops to wearing tennis shoes again!! I can put on socks again all by myself and put my shoes on!!!!! :)

I have been at a stand off with the scale. I managed to get a good lick it and break free from the 270's. I am now at 268 and back to losing....finally! Down a total of 44 lbs since surgery 5 weeks ago. Important things I learned: increased water intake, walked more, my attitude sucks, and my family is going through this too. Simply put, I have to make this a LIFESTYLE change and just do it. Like quitting smoking, I have to do this for my health and because I want to enjoy things with my family. I know it will be hard and I will want to throw the towel in...or at someone, but I decided that this is what I was WILLING to do to get healthy. No one forced me with a gun to have the surgery, and even though I may not have thought about everything that it would involve, there was a really good reason why I thought that this surgery would be the best option for me. So I guess I just need to suck it up and get to losing....and see you all on the skinny side! :)

Is there a 12-step Program for this??

OK...So many of my regular viewers already know I am a 12-stepper from Hell!! I have battled just about every addiction out there, and have been pretty successful once I put my mind to it. So I am completely on step one with this one....Admitting I have a problem and I need help. Who knew this would be my downfall?? I have denied that I have an addiction to food for so many years that I actually believe my own BS about it. I have used it as my friend and medicated all my negative emotions with it, so now that I physically cannot do that anymore I am struggling to figure out how to cope. I have been a wreck lately. I cry over the slightest thing, because I cannot just zone out and munch til the stress is gone. I know that there is always hope for an addict. I have watched working the steps literally transform people right before my eyes. I guess I forget that this same transformation can happen for me too....IF I WORK THE STEPS!! So I guess that is where I will be starting today. HI, I'm Ginger and I am a recovering addict. My addiction started when I was around 10. My parents both worked hard to provide a wonderful life for me and my brother. Unfortunately it left us home after school until they got home. I didn't always like that. I didn't have many friends, pretty much none at that point that I was allowed to do things with. So my friend who was always there was FOOD. I would come home and make a snack, yeah....a box of macaroni and cheese which I would eat all of it. Then probably chips, and soda, and whatever snack foods we had, until my mom would come home. I believe that is where is all started. Ouch. That was painful, but honest. That is what step one is all about....HONESTY. Today it has been one month since surgery, and I am struggling, but I know things always change, and I truly believe that in 6 months to a year I will be singing a completely different tune. I just have to get through this rough patch to see the beautiful horizon. :)

Plateau???? Frustrating!

Yep....That is what it is! I have been stuck at 275-280 for about a week now. I am not happy about it at all! I am still mega frustrated by my diet or lack of diet, I should say. I HATE cooking for my family, because it is generally a favorite meal of mine. I have been pouring over blogs and websites for ways to make family favorites more healthy, and they seem more complex, with ingredients that I don't have on hand or have never heard of before. I don't know if I am now vegan, vegetarian, gluten free, sugar free, or all of the above! I thought diabetes was tricky. I want to SCREAM!!!! I still have to take shots, and check my Blood Sugars, but now I can't eat anything....nor do I really want to, but my brain still loves all my favorites. :( If only the weight would still be dropping off like water....I might be handling this a bit better, but I am completely frustrated. I still don't necessarily feel the best...I have some pains still and I am still on oxygen. Plus I have a regular cold, which is making me even crankier than normal...my poor family. I might just go nuts before this is all over with. I have to find some way to get through all of this because in reality it will never be over, unless I want to gain it all back and be diabetic again. I have a friend considering this surgery, and I was telling her it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Truth is....it is a LOT harder than I thought it would be. So far today I ate three spoonfuls of yogurt, and a slice of cheese....doesn't that just sound wonderful?? Not really when there is a pan of homemade enchiladas in the fridge. I just can't seem to switch off my mind from food to something else. I hope that this plateau moves on soon, because I need a break to see that this really was worth all that I gave up.