Dogfood bag + a box of butter :)

I have the official first update on the number of pounds lost.....26! Yep...that's right 26 big pounds have dropped off my body since I started this whole process. So in my mind I compared it too a 25# bag of dog food and a box of butter. I have set my goal at 160. A "normal" healthy weight for someone of my height. If I hit this number I will not be in the overweight category on the BMI charts. So basically I have 125 pounds left to go. I think I can do it. :) Also through my internet browsing I have come across an amazing blog to help me along the way. The world according to eggface. She has great recipes and info for someone after they have weight loss surgery. Check her out!!

brainwashing....

So...after all the weirdness of food shopping and cooking for my family some of my old favorites. Plus with the help of a much needed comment left on a previous post.(Thanks Jeanette!!!) I have been trying to reprogram and basically brainwash my old ways of thinking. Yes it is hard to watch my loved ones now shovel heaping amounts of food in the mouth, but it is because I see how toxic this behavior can be. I am not going to idly stand by and watch it continue. My husband likes having dinner and such when he gets home, and I am more than happy to accommodate this, but it is now going to be on my terms. We are ALL going to enjoy this new lifestyle change. :) I was being selfish before in just thinking that this was just happening to me. No, this is happening to my whole family and we all need to make the appropriate adjustments and changes to live a better life together. :) Sometimes it takes a nice reminder to put you back on track with what the whole goal and purpose behind your actions is really about. So just keep anxiously awaiting the big reveal number for my first official weigh-in at the two week check-up. After that I will do more regular weigh-ins, I am just being dramatic...LIKE ALWAYS! I will add monthly pics too...won't that be fun...haha.

I think I am in mourning :(

OK....so one week has passed, I am doing OK on the diets and tolerating most things just fine. I am finding that I am obsessed with food. I am sad to think I won't be eating this and won't be eating that. I want to make all this good (bad for you) food and eat it. :( Kinda depressing to think about it. I don't want to fail, or be sick eating the thing I shouldn't, so I don't. But I am constantly thinking about all the food. I am even dreaming about food. I am not starving or even hungry....that is why I am calling it mourning. If you see me shedding tears in the next coming weeks, just be sensitive to the death of my good friend....FOOD.

Post surgery update...

Well Monday I had surgery to rearrange my guts. It went well and I can say that I didn't feel a thing until I was suppose to. Way to go Mr. Anesthesiology! I stayed pretty calm going into surgery which for me was a real feat in itself. Everything else afterward went pretty much like it should. Water diet it the first hours after surgery, clear liquid diet the next few days. So far so good. The first bump in the road has been trying to tolerate the liquid diet. I haven't been able to move onto this phase very well yet, so I am kinda at 1/2 clear liquid 1/2 liquid. Which means I have 1 oz. of jello or broth and try 1oz. of something from the liquid diet. yogurt didn't make the list, but string cheese did OK and cottage cheese was tolerable. It feels so weird looking at my minuscule meals and think that I am full and not starving afterwards. I actually feel sickly looking at my family while they shovel much larger quantities of food in their mouths. I know that this is a temporary phase that I am going through...it is just so weird to describe. I really have had to catch myself from alienating my family by saying things like..."You're going to EAT ALL of that???" and "You haven't had enough ALREADY??" I know my life is changing drastically, but I really hope that my family survives the huge transformation in me and my eating habits. I am not stepping on a scale until my official two week check-up so you all will have to wait until then to hear the big number. :) The one down side to the surgery is my new friend....the oxygen tank, which is huffing and puffing away in the laundry room. I didn't have the best o2 saturation numbers when I left, so they sent me home with oxygen to use at night and when I lay down. But I don't think I will need it much longer. Took my first walk outside yesterday afternoon and it felt GREAT!!!!! I just walked up to my neighbors house and back, but oh it felt sooooo nice to walk outside and breathe fresh air. I am thankful for all the people who have really been helping me out during this past week. My parents helped me with the kids while Lewis was with me during the surgery. My ward family has been helping by bringing in some meals for my family to eat, I haven't even begun to deal with cooking yet. I have such sweet visiting teaching ladies who have made sure that I have been taken care of. All my friends who have called and checked up on me through FB and sent out the prayers, I really appreciate all the thoughts! So now I just keep swimming and it will all work out! :)

I see my thumb in a whole new perspective....

I was told at this last meeting before my surgery that my stomach pouch will be roughly the size of my thumb. Yikes! It is crazy to think that my stomach will be that small, and that I will be able to live off of 2 oz. of food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Plus throughout the day I have to get 64 oz. of water into my body. This will be interesting to learn how to get this all done without screwing it all up! The water thing is a pretty big deal, because I could become dehydrated quickly if I don't sip the water down during my non-eating times. I won't have the ability to "catch up" after surgery. Which basically means if someone is thirsty they can gulp down a large glass of water to catch up on their overall 64 oz a day requirement.....not me. I will not be able to gulp down anything in large quantities. That is why I have to stay on track with getting it done throughout the entire day. I can basically drink 1 oz. an hour. Then I have to stop drinking 30 min. before eating, take 20-30 min eating my 2 oz. of food, then wait another 30 min. before continuing my water drinking. Somewhere in between all this concentrating on my eating and drinking I also have to take care of my family!! ;) Plus get my exercising in. I am excited to get into the groove of it all, but I know it is going to be the biggest life altering thing for me....almost like going from having no kids to having a baby. Exciting, New, Scary all wrapped into one. See you all on the other side of surgery!!! :)

On the downhill slope and going 60

So tonight is the last "uncrazy" night in the house for me....I am off to have 3 days of hospital visits. Not all mine THANK GOD! Wes has two days and I have one...what a wuss I sound like...huh? My little guy is such a trooper and I don't know how he keeps a good attitude about all he goes through. So my diet has been a fail today with two major low blood sugar crashes and one more seeming awfully eminent. Calorie count is about 1500-1600 at the moment. Hopefully it won't be too damaging to the overall surgery. As for me...I am doing good so far. Not too freaked out about all this surgery stuff, but I haven't been to the surgery class. I have a feeling that they will give me all the scary details there which will be good. I will only have two days to panic. :) Good luck to my hubby who will be left in charge of my 3 year old. :) Don't worry...Day Care will have her most of the day, and they keep telling me that she is nothing short of an ANGEL when she is there. Thank You to my mom who is going to hold my hand and tell me everything will be OK....isn't it amazing that at the age of 35 I still need that from her. She is always good at these medical things(I am not so good at them). Alright...off to bed to try and sleep.

Nutritional Overload!!!!

I am freaking out because I will have to be out of town for 3 days during this 1000 calorie diet. So today I have been online looking at different place's menus to find appropriate choices for my dinner options. I can still pack my shakes in a cooler, I just won't have access to a microwave for the dinner. I have been amazed at just how bad our eating habits are getting out of control. I found site after site where most meals were at 800+ calories with many toppling into the 1000+ calorie mark. Then if you add any type of appetizer(which many alone were more than 1000 calories) You are basically eating your daily requirement in one meal. I knew things were bad, but I guess I was in denial about how bad eating out really was. Imagine most times when I have been out of town before eating 3 meals in restaurants. YIKES!!!! Plus the fact that portion sizes are out of control. Now that I am having this surgery, my future at restaurants is changing and quickly. I have been thinking of how I will have to tackle this event, because I know I won't always be able to avoid it. I have thought of how I will need to order kid size meals(which are getting out of hand as well...most charting at 600 calories), or just have my husband order something and ask for an extra plate. Do they even do that?? What I will be able to eat will hardly even fit in the palm of my hand and most places give you a hubcap size plate to eat from. I guess I will become the Queen of the Doggie Bag. :) Note* Olive Garden is a calorie overload mine field and it is one of my favorite places to go. :(

What 1000 calories looks like

Well according to the instructions from the Dr. office. This is what I am suppose to eat for the next 10 days. In reality this is about 690 calories total, so I had extra calories to play with. It wasn't so bad and in total I got through the day at 1060 calories. I was able to cut my insulin in 1/2. It will be interesting to see what happens when I have to spend 3 days out of town next week. I won't have access to a microwave, so I will really have to watch what I eat when we are out. If I stick to protein and veggies then I should be OK....just have to watch the portion sizes. :) On the plus side. I haven't had any diet coke for about 1 week. That is a true Christmas Miracle!! ;) I have been known to down massive amounts of that stuff in the past, and I never thought I would ever be free of it. Addicted to it worse than METH. I have found that when I want and need something more in my life...I am amazed at what lengths I will go to achieve the results. I sometimes amaze myself. :) I am getting super excited for this new chapter to start in my life. I cannot even begin to tell you what this gift means to me. I have fooled myself for years thinking that I could do this without any medical help. I know many people who have been successful, and to them I give them all the kudos they deserve. IT is HARD! I have lost 90#, 70#, and 120# three different times in my life, but I could never keep it off when I was working hard on my Diabetes. I am hopeful that with this surgery my Diabetes will be resolved completely. Wouldn't that be the life?? No more needles, finger sticks, tests every three months, pills, lancets, test strips, meters, worrying about my kidney's, eye sight, heart, or feet. What a life it will be.

The Last Supper

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I was allowed to eat what was considered normally up to then. I was able to have Thanksgiving dinner without any restrictions. It was nice to have Thanksgiving be the turning point. I found myself really pondering what I was thankful for this past year. Even though it has been a rough year, I found so much to be thankful for. I am truly blessed in this life and even when it doesn't go my way, I cannot complain. The day was beautiful spending it with my little family. My friend's daughter stopped by and brought some key lime cheesecake, and my parents and grandma stopped by later for pie. All in all it was a nice holiday.

10 things that will change along with my weight.

10. being able to wear lace up shoes.
9. being able to wear pants without elastic waist.
8. sizing up seats wherever I go to make sure I fit.
7. seeing my feet.
6. stop having the fear of lawn chairs and maximum weight limits
5. be able to ride a roller coaster
4. be able to sit next to someone and not feel like I am taking up their space too.
3. no one will ever ask me again "when is your baby due" and I'm not pregnant.
2. my diabetes
1. MY LIFE!

Slight Change of Plans

I made it through my appointment. I found out quickly that Lapband was not the best option for my situation. I am still moving forward with surgery, but I am now having the Gastric Bypass. My diabetes will have a better chance of being resolved or greatly reduced by this procedure, instead of the Lapband. Nervous.....YES!!! Surgery is a big deal. I know that this is a great opportunity for me to regain my life and get feeling better. It is going to happen in a whirlwind. I have 18 days until I have surgery. I AM READY! :)

It all ends tonight...:)

Here I go...onto another adventure in my already extremely eventful life. I am SCARED, but excited. I have struggled for most of my life with weight gain and weight loss. I have been able to lose over 100 lbs. two different times in my life. Amazing yes!! I have not been able to successfully keep it off. So now I am faced with the fact that I cannot continue down this path. I have chosen to have gastric bypass surgery. I am going to have the Lapband procedure done. I start tomorrow with my first doctors appointment. Then I go from there. I have never been quiet about anything, so why start now...right? I am inviting you to join me on this adventure to watch me go through this whole process....the good, the bad, and the ugly....(which I will try to keep to a minimum) I want to share this out there, because in my quest to really decide if this will be the best thing for me, I found it hard to find a blog where it was all laid out on the line. So this is my attempt to do that. Wish me Luck!!